Living Funerals
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Celebrating a life while you're still here
Most of us think of a funeral as something that happens after someone has died.
But what if you could gather the people you love, share memories, hear the stories, say the things you've always wanted to say — and be there to experience it yourself?
That's the idea behind a living funeral.
A living funeral is an occasion held while a person is still alive, giving them and the people who matter to them an opportunity to come together, reflect on their life and celebrate the memories they've made.
For someone approaching the end of their life, it can be a deeply meaningful way of spending precious time together.
What is a living funeral?
There is no set format and no rule book.
It might be a small family gathering at home, an afternoon at a hospice, a meal with friends, a celebration with music and photographs, or something more structured with readings, speeches and a celebrant.
It doesn't have to look anything like a traditional funeral. It doesn't even have to be called a funeral.
You might hear terms such as living wake, celebration of life, farewell gathering or pre-funeral. Some people may simply describe it as getting everyone together for a special occasion.
What matters is that it means something to the person at the centre of it.
Why might someone choose one?
There are many possible reasons.
Someone approaching the end of their life might want the opportunity to:
- spend meaningful time with the people they love
- hear stories and memories about their life
- tell people what they mean to them
- say goodbye in their own way
- thank people who have been important to them
- share memories that might otherwise only be spoken about after their death
- create new memories with family and friends
- have some control over how they are remembered
- celebrate their life while they are still able to take part
For family and friends, it can also provide an opportunity to say the things that can be so difficult to say later.
And there can be laughter as well as tears.
A living funeral doesn't have to be a sad occasion. It can be joyful, relaxed, funny, noisy, quiet, emotional — or a mixture of all of those things.
Particularly for someone receiving end-of-life care
A living funeral may be something a person wants to consider when they are receiving end-of-life care.
End-of-life care is about helping someone to live as comfortably as possible during the time they have left, including supporting their physical, emotional and other needs.
If someone is becoming increasingly tired or unwell, timing can be important.
There may be a point when they are still well enough to enjoy having people around them, but waiting too long could mean that they no longer have the energy or ability to participate in the way they would have wanted.
That doesn't mean there is a "right" time.
It simply means that, if this is something the person would like, it may be worth talking about it sooner rather than leaving it until the last possible moment.
If the person is receiving care from a hospice, hospital, care home or community team, talk to their healthcare professionals about their wishes and practical needs.
Their comfort comes first.
What could you do?
There really are no limits other than what feels right for the person.
You could have:
A family gathering
Keep it simple. Invite the people closest to you, put the kettle on, share food and spend time together.
A celebration
Music, photographs, favourite foods, stories, decorations and all the things that make the person who they are.
An afternoon tea
For someone who would much rather have cake and a cup of tea than a formal ceremony, why not?
A party
If the person loves parties, music and a house full of people, there's no reason it can't be exactly that.
A meal
Gather around a table and share favourite food, memories and conversation.
A ceremony
A celebrant, humanist or faith leader could help create something more structured, with readings, music, poems, prayers or words from family and friends.
Something completely different
A garden gathering, a favourite place, a picnic, a trip out, watching an old film together, listening to favourite music or simply sitting together and talking.
There is no prescribed way to do this.
What might happen on the day?
That's entirely up to you.
You might want people to speak about their memories.
Perhaps everyone could bring a photograph or small object that reminds them of the person.
You could make a memory box.
You might want to play favourite songs.
Someone could read a poem.
Children and grandchildren could be involved.
You might want to record messages for the future.
Or perhaps you don't want any formal activities at all.
Maybe the most important thing is simply having everyone together.
What would you like people to know?
This can be an opportunity to say the things that are sometimes left unsaid.
You might want to tell someone:
Thank you.
I'm proud of you.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
I'll always remember...One of my favourite memories of you is...
These conversations can feel difficult, but they can also become some of the most precious memories a family carries forward.
Thinking about the practical side
If the person is receiving end-of-life care, their comfort and energy should be at the heart of the planning.
Think about:
- How long the gathering should last
- How many people the person will comfortably manage
- Whether they need somewhere quiet to rest
- Seating or somewhere to lie down
- Accessibility
- Medication and care routines
- Food and drink
- Toileting facilities
- Temperature and ventilation
- Whether the person can leave or rest whenever they need to
- Who can help if they become tired or unwell
- Whether the event should be at home, in a hospice or somewhere else
There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping it short.
An hour surrounded by the right people may be far more meaningful than a whole afternoon that leaves someone exhausted.
And what about the person's eventual funeral?
A living funeral doesn't necessarily replace a funeral after death.
Some people may want both.
The living gathering can be about being together while the person is still here, while the funeral afterwards can give family and friends another opportunity to remember and say goodbye.
If the person wants to have a funeral after their death, they can still make their wishes known and plan it in advance.
Planning a funeral can also help families understand what matters to the person and what they would like after their death.
What if a living funeral doesn't feel right?
That's completely okay. Not everyone will want one. Some people may find the idea comforting. Others may find it too difficult, too formal or simply not something they would enjoy.
There are other ways of creating meaningful memories while someone is still alive.
You could arrange smaller visits.
Have individual conversations.
Look through photographs together.
Record their stories.
Write letters.
Make a memory box.
Cook a favourite meal.
Listen to music.
Watch an old film.
Or simply sit together.
There doesn't have to be an event.
Sometimes the most meaningful moments happen naturally.
Questions to think about
If you're wondering whether a living funeral might be right for you or someone you love, you could start by asking:
- Would the person actually enjoy having everyone together?
- Who would they most want there?
- What would make the occasion feel like them?
- Would they prefer something quiet or a celebration?
- Where would they feel most comfortable?
- What memories would they like people to share?
- Is there anything they want to say to particular people?
- Is there anything they would like to hear from others?
- Would children or grandchildren want to be involved?
- Is the person well enough to enjoy it now?
- Would a smaller gathering or individual visits be better?
- Does the person's care team need to be involved in planning it?
And perhaps the biggest question of all:
If you could have the people you love gathered around you while you're still here, what would you want that time to look like?
A final thought
We often talk about funerals as a way for the living to say goodbye to someone who has died.
A living funeral turns that idea around.
It gives the person an opportunity to be part of the conversation.
To hear the stories.
To see the people.
To receive the hugs.
To laugh at the embarrassing memories.
To say the things that matter.
And perhaps most importantly, to know just how much they mean to the people around them.
You don't have to wait until someone has died to celebrate their life.
Sometimes, the greatest gift is being able to celebrate it together while they're still here.
Please remember
A living funeral is a personal choice. It isn't right for everyone, and there is no expectation that someone approaching the end of life should have one.
If the person is receiving end-of-life or palliative care, speak with their healthcare or care team about their wishes, comfort and practical needs. End-of-life care should remain centred around the individual and what matters to them.
For further reliable information about living funerals and end-of-life care, organisations such as Marie Curie and Hospice UK provide guidance and support.