Returning to work
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Returning to work after the death of someone you love can feel like a huge step. Some people are eager to return because routine provides comfort. Others dread walking back through the door, worried about facing colleagues, concentrating on their work or holding back their emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Whether you're returning after a few days, a few weeks or longer, it's natural to feel anxious.
Everyone's experience is different
Grief doesn't stay at home when you go back to work. You may feel:
- Nervous about seeing colleagues.
- Worried that you'll become emotional.
- Unable to concentrate.
- Physically exhausted.
- Relieved to have a routine again.
- Guilty for laughing or enjoying a conversation.
All of these feelings are completely normal.
Talk to your employer
If you feel comfortable, let your manager know how you're feeling. You might want to discuss:
- A phased return to work.
- Temporary adjustments to your workload.
- Flexible working, if possible.
- Time off for important appointments or anniversaries.
Many employers want to help but may not know what support you need unless you tell them.
You don't have to hide your grief
Some people worry about crying at work or becoming upset. Remember: You don't have to pretend everything is okay. Most colleagues understand that grief doesn't disappear after the funeral. If you become emotional, don't see it as a failure. It simply means you're grieving someone you loved.
Take regular breaks
Grief can make even simple tasks feel tiring. If possible:
- Take regular breaks.
- Go for a short walk at lunchtime.
- Drink plenty of water.
- Eat something, even if it's only a light meal.
- Step outside for fresh air if you're feeling overwhelmed.
Looking after yourself during the working day is just as important as looking after yourself at home.
Don't expect too much from yourself
You may find that:
- Your concentration isn't what it used to be.
- You forget things more easily.
- You feel mentally exhausted.
- Tasks take longer than usual.
This is a common effect of grief. Be patient with yourself. Your confidence and concentration usually improve gradually with time.
Colleagues may not know what to say
Some people will offer heartfelt support. Others may avoid mentioning your loss because they're afraid of upsetting you. Try not to take this personally. Often, people simply don't know the right words.
Anniversaries and special dates
Returning to work doesn't mean difficult days disappear. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and other important dates can still bring powerful emotions. If possible, plan ahead. You may want to book annual leave, reduce your workload or simply let your manager know that a particular date may be difficult.