When Grief Feels Too Much
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You don't have to cope with everything on your own.
Grief can be overwhelming. After someone dies, you may feel as though your whole world has changed. You might be exhausted, unable to concentrate, constantly tearful, angry, anxious or simply unable to work out how you're going to get through the day. Sometimes grief can feel like more than you can handle.
If that's how you're feeling, please don't suffer in silence.
There is help available.
How Do You Know When You're Struggling?
There isn't a single way that struggling looks or feels.
You might notice that:
- You're finding everyday things increasingly difficult.
- You can't concentrate or think clearly.
- You're exhausted all the time.
- You're crying much more than usual.
- You don't want to see or speak to anyone.
- You've stopped enjoying things you normally enjoy.
- You're feeling restless, agitated or constantly on edge.
- You're struggling to eat or sleep.
- You're using alcohol or drugs to try to cope.
- You feel as though you're running on empty.
- You're finding it difficult to look after yourself.
- You feel as though everything is becoming too much.
Samaritans explains that struggling to cope can look different for everyone and can include tiredness, feeling emotional, difficulty concentrating, withdrawing from people and finding everyday tasks difficult. You don't have to be feeling suicidal to contact them.
Grief Can Feel Very Heavy
Sometimes you may feel as though the pain will never ease.
You might think:
“I can't do this anymore.”
“I don't know how I'm going to get through today.”
“I just want everything to stop.”
If thoughts like these are becoming difficult to manage, please tell someone.
You don't have to wait until things become unbearable. Talking to someone early can be a really important step.
Start With One Person
You don't have to explain everything. You could simply say:
“I'm really struggling at the moment.”
Or:
“I'm finding my grief harder to cope with than I expected.”
Or even:
“I don't know what I need, but I need someone to talk to.”
That person could be:
- A partner
- A family member
- A friend
- Your GP
- A counsellor
- A bereavement support organisation
You don't have to have the answers before you ask for help.
Someone to Talk To
If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone you know, you can speak to an organisation whose job is to listen.
Samaritans
You can call Samaritans free on:
116 123
You can call from any phone, day or night.
You don't have to be suicidal to call.
You can talk about whatever is getting to you.
Samaritans says its volunteers will listen without judgement or telling you what to do.
Visit Samaritans:
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
You Can Also Speak to Your GP
If you're finding it increasingly difficult to cope with grief, anxiety or low mood, your GP can help you work out what support might be appropriate.
The NHS advises speaking to your GP if you're struggling to cope with stress, anxiety or low mood, if you've had low mood for more than two weeks, or if the things you're trying yourself aren't helping.
You don't need to wait until your grief has become unbearable.
Small Things Can Still Matter
When you're overwhelmed, don't try to fix everything at once.
Just concentrate on the next small thing.
Have a drink.
Eat something.
Have a shower.
Open the curtains.
Step outside.
Send someone a message.
Get some sleep if you can.
You don't have to have a good day.
Sometimes getting through a difficult hour is enough.
The NHS recommends taking things in small, manageable steps, talking to people you trust, considering peer support, getting regular exercise and trying to maintain regular meals.
You Are Allowed to Ask for Help
There can be a strange feeling that you should somehow be able to cope with grief on your own.
You might think:
“Other people have been through this.”
“I should be stronger.”
“It's been weeks/months now. I should be better.”
Please don't put those expectations on yourself.
Grief doesn't follow a timetable.
And asking for help isn't a sign that you're failing.
It's a sign that you recognise you need support.
If You're Worried About Someone Else
You might not be the person who is struggling.
Perhaps you're worried about a partner, friend, parent, child or another member of your family.
If someone seems to be withdrawing, becoming increasingly distressed or finding everyday life difficult, let them know that you're there.
You don't need to solve their grief.
You can listen.
You can sit with them.
You can offer practical help.
And if you're worried about their immediate safety, seek urgent help.
Samaritans also provides guidance for people supporting someone who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental-health crisis.
If You Feel You May Be in Immediate Danger
If you have seriously harmed yourself, or you are in immediate danger and need urgent medical help:
Call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
Samaritans also advises calling 999 if someone has life-threatening injuries or is in immediate danger.
If you aren't in immediate danger but feel that you can't cope, you can call Samaritans on 116 123 and talk to someone.
You Don't Have to Have the Right Words
You don't have to explain your whole life.
You don't have to know exactly what's wrong.
You don't have to know what help you need.
You can simply say:
“I'm struggling.”
That's enough to start a conversation.
Remember
You are not a burden.
You are not weak.
You are not failing at grief.
You don't have to cope alone.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is reach out and say:
“I need some help.”
Further Support
Samaritans
Free, confidential emotional support by phone, day or night.
116 123
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
NHS
Information about grief, bereavement, mental health and when to seek further help.
Cruse Bereavement Support
Bereavement information and support
Mind
Information about mental health, bereavement and finding support.
The Funeral Companion
Supporting your mental health.
The Funeral Companion brings together practical information, bereavement guidance, checklists, trusted resources and local support.
We're not a replacement for professional or emergency help.
We're here to help you find the right information and find the right place to turn.
You don't have to work everything out on your own.