When Someone Famous Dies
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Why does it hurt so much?
You never met them. So why does it hurt?
When a musician, actor, sports personality, author, influencer or other public figure dies, you might be surprised by how strongly you react.
You may feel shocked, upset, angry, numb or simply unable to stop thinking about what has happened.
You might even find yourself wondering:
“Why am I grieving someone I never knew?”
The truth is, you don't have to have known someone personally for their life to have had an impact on yours.
Their music, films, books, performances, interviews or online presence may have been part of your life for years.
They may remind you of growing up, friendships, relationships, family, difficult times or happier memories.
So when they die, it can feel as though you're losing more than a famous person.
You may also be saying goodbye to a part of your own memories and experiences.
YOU'RE NOT SILLY FOR FEELING THIS WAY
Sometimes people can be dismissive when someone is upset about the death of a famous person.
You might hear:
“But you didn't even know them.”
Or:
“Why are you so upset?”
Comments like these can make you feel as though you don't have the right to grieve.
But grief isn't something you have to earn.
You don't need to prove that you knew them.
You don't need to justify why they mattered to you.
And you don't need anyone else's permission to feel sad.
Cruse Bereavement Support recognises that people can experience genuine grief after the death of someone they didn't know personally, including celebrities and other public figures.
Mind also recognises that grief following the death of a celebrity can sometimes be difficult when other people see the loss as unimportant or don't understand why you are affected.
WHY CAN THE DEATH OF SOMEONE FAMOUS AFFECT US SO MUCH?
There can be many reasons.
THEY WERE PART OF YOUR LIFE
Perhaps you've listened to their music for years.
Maybe you've watched their films since you were a child.
Maybe their books, videos, performances or interviews have been part of important moments in your life.
Their work may have become connected to your own memories.
THEY INSPIRED YOU
They may have been someone you admired or looked up to.
Perhaps they encouraged you to follow a dream, helped you through a difficult time or simply made you laugh when you needed it.
Their work may have meant far more to you than they could ever have known.
THEY FELT FAMILIAR
We can become very familiar with public figures through television, music, interviews and social media.
You may know their voice, their mannerisms, their stories and their work.
You may have followed their career for years.
Although the relationship wasn't a personal one, the sense of familiarity can still feel very real.
THEY REMIND YOU OF ANOTHER LOSS
Sometimes the death of a public figure can bring another bereavement back to the surface.
Perhaps their music reminds you of someone you've lost.
Perhaps they were around at the same time as an important person in your life.
Or perhaps the circumstances of their death remind you of something your own family has experienced.
A new loss can sometimes touch an older one.
THEIR DEATH MAKES US THINK ABOUT OUR OWN LIVES
The death of someone who seemed young, healthy or as though they would always be around can be a shock.
It can remind us that life is unpredictable.
It may also make us think about our own mortality or the people we love.
These reactions can be unsettling, but they are understandable.
WHEN SOCIAL MEDIA MAKES EVERYTHING FEEL BIGGER
When a famous person dies, the news can be everywhere.
You might see:
• Old photographs• Interviews• Music and videos• Tributes• Messages from friends and colleagues• Fan reactions• News reports• Discussions and speculation• Memories being shared by thousands of people
Sometimes this can be comforting.
It can remind you that you're not the only person who is affected.
But it can also become overwhelming.
You don't have to watch everything.
You don't have to read every article.
You don't have to follow every update.
And you don't have to take part in online discussions.
If social media is making you feel worse, it's okay to step away for a while.
Put your phone down.
Take a break from the news.
Listen to something comforting.
Go for a walk.
Talk to someone you trust.
Cruse recommends taking a break from news coverage when it begins to make you feel worse.
FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND
It can help to talk to other people who understand why this person meant something to you.
That might be friends or family members who feel the same way, or other fans who are experiencing similar emotions.
You might:
• Share favourite memories• Talk about their music, films, books or work• Look through photographs• Watch something they created• Share stories with other fans• Attend a respectful memorial or tribute• Write down what they meant to you
You don't have to grieve in exactly the same way as anyone else.
There is no single right way to remember someone.
IT'S OKAY TO REMEMBER THEM
You can continue enjoying the things that made you love their work.
Listen to the songs.
Watch the films.
Read the books.
Look through old photographs.
Create a playlist.
Write about your favourite memory.
Light a candle.
Make a small memorial.
Donate to a cause they supported.
Or simply take a quiet moment to remember them.
Sometimes remembering can be a comforting part of grief.
WHAT IF THEIR DEATH BRINGS BACK OTHER GRIEF?
This can happen too.
A famous person's death might unexpectedly bring back feelings about someone you personally knew and loved.
A song might remind you of your dad.
A film might remind you of your mum.
A particular age might remind you of someone who died young.
Or perhaps you have grief that you never really had time to deal with.
If this happens, try to be gentle with yourself.
You haven't necessarily gone backwards.
Sometimes a new loss touches an older one.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE YOUR GRIEF
Someone else might not understand why you're upset.
That's okay.
They don't have to understand your connection for your feelings to be real.
You may never have met the person.
They may never have known your name.
But they may still have been part of your life.
Your memories are real.
The comfort they gave you was real.
And the feelings you're having now are real.
It's okay to grieve.
IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING
Grief affects everyone differently.
If you're finding it difficult to cope with everyday life, feeling overwhelmed or simply don't know where to turn, talking to someone can help.
That could be:
• A friend or family member• Your GP• A counsellor• A bereavement support organisation• A support group
You don't have to wait until things become unbearable before asking for help.
REMEMBER
You don't have to have known someone personally for their life to have touched yours.
Perhaps they gave you a song that got you through a difficult time.
Perhaps their films remind you of your childhood.
Perhaps their work was there during important moments in your life.
Perhaps they simply made you smile.
That connection mattered.
Take your time.
Talk about how you're feeling.
Remember them in your own way.
And be kind to yourself.
FURTHER SUPPORT
CRUSE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT
Cruse provides information and support for people experiencing bereavement, including guidance about grieving for someone you didn't know personally.
Read more:
https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/grief-experiences/someone-you-didnt-know/
MIND
Mind provides information about bereavement and different experiences of grief, including when other people may not understand or recognise your loss.
Read more:
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/about-bereavement/
THE FUNERAL COMPANION
Information. Guidance. Support.
The Funeral Companion brings together practical funeral information, bereavement guidance, checklists, resources and local support across London, Essex and Kent.
If you're grieving, you don't have to work everything out on your own.
We're here to help you find your way.
thefuneralcompanion.co.uk