A Selection of Our Guides

I'm so sorry for your loss. When someone dies, it can be difficult to know what to do first. This is a simple overview of what usually happens next in England and Wales.

1. The death is verified

What happens depends on where the person died — at home, in hospital, in a care home or hospice. The relevant healthcare professionals will explain what happens next.

2. Medical Examiner review

Most deaths are reviewed by an independent Medical Examiner before the death can be registered. The family can ask questions or raise concerns.

3. Register the death

Once you are told that the death can be registered, you arrange an appointment with the Register Office.

4. Tell Us Once

The registrar will explain the government's Tell Us Once service, which helps notify several government departments about the death.

5. Arrange the funeral

You can contact a funeral director before the death is registered. They can explain your options and begin making arrangements.

6. Deal with other organisations

You will eventually need to contact organisations such as banks, insurance companies, pension providers and utility companies.

Take one step at a time

You don't have to do everything today. Some things need to happen quickly; others can wait. The Funeral Companion is here to help you understand what happens next, one step at a time.

Registering a death is one of the first legal steps after someone dies. Once the death has been registered, you can obtain the documents needed for the funeral and begin dealing with the person's affairs.

Before you register

The Medical Examiner's Office will review the Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) and usually contact the family to explain the cause of death and answer any questions. Once the MCCD has been approved, it is sent to the Register Office. You do not normally need to collect or take the medical paperwork yourself. If the death has been referred to the Coroner, registration may be delayed while their enquiries are completed.

When should it be registered?

In England and Wales, you should normally register the death within five days of being told that you can register it.

Who can register?

This can usually be:

The Register Office can advise you if you're unsure.

What will I need?

The registrar will ask for basic information about the person who died, including their:

Don't worry if you don't have everything. The registrar will guide you.

After registration

The registrar will provide the Certificate for Burial or Cremation, commonly known as the green form, which is sent to the funeral director or relevant authority. You can also purchase certified copies of the death certificate, which you will need when dealing with banks, pensions, insurance and other organisations. The registrar will also explain Tell Us Once, which allows you to notify most government departments about the death in one go.

Grief is the natural response to losing someone you love. It affects everyone differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may feel a whole range of emotions, sometimes all in the same day. One moment you might be crying, the next you may feel numb or even laugh at a happy memory. This doesn't mean you're grieving in the wrong way. It simply means you're human. For some people, grief begins immediately. For others, it can take days, weeks or even months before the reality of their loss begins to sink in. However your grief unfolds, your feelings are valid.

There is no timetable for grief

Many people worry that they should be "moving on" after a certain amount of time. The truth is, grief doesn't follow a schedule. You may find that the first few weeks are a blur as you arrange the funeral and deal with paperwork. It is often after the funeral, when family and friends return to their own lives, that the reality of your loss becomes more apparent. Grief changes over time, but it doesn't simply disappear. Most people gradually learn to live alongside their loss while continuing to remember the person they loved.

Common emotions during grief

Everyone's experience is different, but many people experience emotions such as:

You may experience one of these emotions or many of them. They can come and go without warning.

Grief can affect your body too

Grief doesn't just affect your emotions. It can also have physical effects, including:

These reactions are common, particularly during the early weeks and months after a bereavement.

Everyone grieves differently

Some people want to talk about the person who has died, while others prefer quiet reflection. Some cry openly, while others rarely cry at all. There is no "correct" way to grieve. Avoid comparing yourself with others or feeling pressured to grieve in a particular way. Your relationship with the person who died was unique, so your grief will be unique too.

Celebrating a life while you're still here

Most of us think of a funeral as something that happens after someone has died. 

But what if you could gather the people you love, share memories, hear the stories, say the things you've always wanted to say — and be there to experience it yourself?

That's the idea behind a living funeral.

A living funeral is an occasion held while a person is still alive, giving them and the people who matter to them an opportunity to come together, reflect on their life and celebrate the memories they've made. 

For someone approaching the end of their life, it can be a deeply meaningful way of spending precious time together.

What is a living funeral?

There is no set format and no rule book. 

It might be a small family gathering at home, an afternoon at a hospice, a meal with friends, a celebration with music and photographs, or something more structured with readings, speeches and a celebrant.

It doesn't have to look anything like a traditional funeral. It doesn't even have to be called a funeral. 

You might hear terms such as living wake, celebration of life, farewell gathering or pre-funeral. Some people may simply describe it as getting everyone together for a special occasion.

What matters is that it means something to the person at the centre of it.

Why might someone choose one?

There are many possible reasons.

Someone approaching the end of their life might want the opportunity to:

For family and friends, it can also provide an opportunity to say the things that can be so difficult to say later. 

And there can be laughter as well as tears.

 A living funeral doesn't have to be a sad occasion. It can be joyful, relaxed, funny, noisy, quiet, emotional — or a mixture of all of those things.

Particularly for someone receiving end-of-life care

A living funeral may be something a person wants to consider when they are receiving end-of-life care.

End-of-life care is about helping someone to live as comfortably as possible during the time they have left, including supporting their physical, emotional and other needs. 

If someone is becoming increasingly tired or unwell, timing can be important. 

There may be a point when they are still well enough to enjoy having people around them, but waiting too long could mean that they no longer have the energy or ability to participate in the way they would have wanted. 

That doesn't mean there is a "right" time. 

It simply means that, if this is something the person would like, it may be worth talking about it sooner rather than leaving it until the last possible moment.

If the person is receiving care from a hospice, hospital, care home or community team, talk to their healthcare professionals about their wishes and practical needs. 

Their comfort comes first.

What could you do?

There really are no limits other than what feels right for the person.

You could have:

A family gathering

Keep it simple. Invite the people closest to you, put the kettle on, share food and spend time together.

A celebration

Music, photographs, favourite foods, stories, decorations and all the things that make the person who they are.

An afternoon tea

For someone who would much rather have cake and a cup of tea than a formal ceremony, why not?

A party

If the person loves parties, music and a house full of people, there's no reason it can't be exactly that.

A meal

Gather around a table and share favourite food, memories and conversation.

A ceremony

A celebrant, humanist or faith leader could help create something more structured, with readings, music, poems, prayers or words from family and friends.

Something completely different

A garden gathering, a favourite place, a picnic, a trip out, watching an old film together, listening to favourite music or simply sitting together and talking. 

There is no prescribed way to do this.

What might happen on the day?

That's entirely up to you. 

You might want people to speak about their memories.

Perhaps everyone could bring a photograph or small object that reminds them of the person. 

You could make a memory box. 

You might want to play favourite songs.

Someone could read a poem.

Children and grandchildren could be involved. 

You might want to record messages for the future. 

Or perhaps you don't want any formal activities at all. 

Maybe the most important thing is simply having everyone together.

What would you like people to know?

This can be an opportunity to say the things that are sometimes left unsaid. 

You might want to tell someone: 

Thank you.

I'm proud of you.

 I love you.

I'm sorry.

I'll always remember...One of my favourite memories of you is...

These conversations can feel difficult, but they can also become some of the most precious memories a family carries forward.

Thinking about the practical side

If the person is receiving end-of-life care, their comfort and energy should be at the heart of the planning.

Think about:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with keeping it short. 

An hour surrounded by the right people may be far more meaningful than a whole afternoon that leaves someone exhausted.

And what about the person's eventual funeral?

A living funeral doesn't necessarily replace a funeral after death.

Some people may want both. 

The living gathering can be about being together while the person is still here, while the funeral afterwards can give family and friends another opportunity to remember and say goodbye.

If the person wants to have a funeral after their death, they can still make their wishes known and plan it in advance.

Planning a funeral can also help families understand what matters to the person and what they would like after their death.

What if a living funeral doesn't feel right?

That's completely okay. Not everyone will want one. Some people may find the idea comforting. Others may find it too difficult, too formal or simply not something they would enjoy. 

There are other ways of creating meaningful memories while someone is still alive. 

You could arrange smaller visits.

Have individual conversations.

Look through photographs together. 

Record their stories. 

Write letters.

Make a memory box. 

Cook a favourite meal.

Listen to music. 

Watch an old film. 

Or simply sit together.

There doesn't have to be an event. 

Sometimes the most meaningful moments happen naturally.

Questions to think about

If you're wondering whether a living funeral might be right for you or someone you love, you could start by asking:

And perhaps the biggest question of all:

If you could have the people you love gathered around you while you're still here, what would you want that time to look like?