Understanding Grief
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Grief is the natural response to losing someone you love. It affects everyone differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may feel a whole range of emotions, sometimes all in the same day. One moment you might be crying, the next you may feel numb or even laugh at a happy memory. This doesn't mean you're grieving in the wrong way. It simply means you're human. For some people, grief begins immediately. For others, it can take days, weeks or even months before the reality of their loss begins to sink in. However your grief unfolds, your feelings are valid.
There is no timetable for grief
Many people worry that they should be "moving on" after a certain amount of time. The truth is, grief doesn't follow a schedule. You may find that the first few weeks are a blur as you arrange the funeral and deal with paperwork. It is often after the funeral, when family and friends return to their own lives, that the reality of your loss becomes more apparent. Grief changes over time, but it doesn't simply disappear. Most people gradually learn to live alongside their loss while continuing to remember the person they loved.
Common emotions during grief
Everyone's experience is different, but many people experience emotions such as:
- Sadness
- Shock or disbelief
- Anger
- Guilt
- Anxiety
- Loneliness
- Relief, particularly after a long illness
- Numbness
- Confusion
- Fear about the future
You may experience one of these emotions or many of them. They can come and go without warning.
Grief can affect your body too
Grief doesn't just affect your emotions. It can also have physical effects, including:
- Difficulty sleeping
- Feeling constantly tired
- Loss of appetite or comfort eating
- Difficulty concentrating
- Headaches
- Muscle aches and pains
- Feeling breathless or tight-chested
- Lower energy than usual
These reactions are common, particularly during the early weeks and months after a bereavement.
Everyone grieves differently
Some people want to talk about the person who has died, while others prefer quiet reflection. Some cry openly, while others rarely cry at all. There is no "correct" way to grieve. Avoid comparing yourself with others or feeling pressured to grieve in a particular way. Your relationship with the person who died was unique, so your grief will be unique too.
Looking after yourself
During grief, even simple daily tasks can feel exhausting. Try to be gentle with yourself.
If you can:
- Eat regular meals, even if they're small.
- Drink plenty of water.
- Rest whenever you need to.
- Accept help from family and friends.
- Spend time outdoors if you feel able.
- Don't expect too much of yourself.
Small steps are enough.
When should I seek extra support?
Grief can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to cope alone. If you feel unable to manage day-to-day life for a prolonged period, or you're worried about how you're coping, speak to your GP or contact a bereavement support organisation.
Asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it's a positive step towards getting the support you need. If you ever feel that you may act on thoughts of harming yourself, seek urgent help immediately by calling 999, going to your nearest A&E department, or contacting your local NHS urgent mental health service. You deserve support, and help is available.